The Power of a Narcissistic Parent Lingers

Pencil Shadings that say NarcissismYou never know what to expect from a narcissist. I thought I had purged my father’s ability to have any control over my feelings and actions from my being. In my last post I related how I came to the realization—tearfully—that my father is never going to love me and be the father I want him to be. I also shared how I came to know that I have been his tool all my life

.My mistake was to assume that I was in control now when I faced my father. Just like the young monk who thinks he has gained enlightenment after a single moment of realization, I got slapped down like  the Zen master would strike the monk. And, for a few days, I was more mentally fucked up than I have ever been. Continue reading

How I Came to Realize I’m My Narcissistic Father’s Tool

There will come a time when your aging narcissistic parent will no longer be able to live on her own. This is a hazardous time for you. She may try to make you feel guilty for not moving her in with you. You have to be firm in setting your boundaries. No matter what, you can expect your parent to ply all her narcissistic devices to avoid placement. This will not be an easy time for you as she infects you with guilt for abandoning her.

But you can use this situation to your benefit if you examine your feelings and reactions to those feelings and trace them to their source. It is a time when you can work on some of your issues. You can work on seeing the narcissistic games.

This is an opportunity to work on your guilt. Your mother or father cannot care for themselves any more. You are ensuring they get the care they need. Why then should you feel any guilt? Continue reading