As children of narcissists, we can tend to be easily triggered to feel and remember the abuse that occurred, or keeps occurring, in our lives. And that’s to be expected. Our lives are filled with stressful and traumatic experiences that can trigger us to keep reliving the trauma.
But there is a specific sort of pain our narcissistic parents left us with. And that’s the pain of every day existence. Continue reading
Narcissistic parents don’t value children for the pure joy of having a child. No. They look at children as mirrors to reflect their false image of being exceptional, grandiose, and omniscient.
Children, to the narcissist, are like kegs of narcissistic supply. You tap them when you need to quench your thirst for attention and admiration, stashing them away when you go to drink somewhere else.
Narcissistic fathers only spend time with their children when it will fulfill some narcissistic need. As a kid, you catch on quickly and learn not to say to your dad, “Hey, you want to help me build this model?” He’d just stare as if you asked him to help you rob a bank. With a disgusted shake of his head, he’d go back to watching golf on TV. Continue reading
Your narcissistic parent doesn’t like it when you have an impressive accomplishment. He feels that you are showing him up.
But he uses your accomplishment for his own glorification. He finds a way to take credit for what you did. Or if he doesn’t take credit directly, he lets your accomplishment shine on him as you are his son or daughter.
When you were a child, if your parent supported you in activities where you could produce accomplishments or victories, it wasn’t because he wanted to support your personal growth.
No. Your parent did it for what he got out of it. He basked in your accomplishment as if he had achieved what you did. Your victory gave him a chance to take credit for the skills you developed, even though they were not his. Continue reading
As narcissism’s child, you weathered a constant storm of criticism. At times it seemed you could do nothing right. Your grades were criticized. How you performed your chores was not good enough. You may even have been criticized for the way you smelled, chewed your food, or chose to dress.
What made the criticism even worse is If you had a sibling who was your parent’s “golden child”—the child they favored and placed on display. You faced constant criticism in relation to her. You faced putdowns like these on a daily basis:
• “Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
• “Your sister gets A’s on her report card. Why can’t you?
• Your sister keeps her room clean, why can’t you? Continue reading