You’re tired of your narcissistic parent’s intrusions into your life. She calls you at work, stalks you on the internet, and constantly intrudes in your personal life. You even suspect that she is going through your mailbox before you get home.
You are not alone. A universal characteristic of narcissists is that they have virtually no regard for personal boundaries. They violate boundaries at will with no thought of how the other person feels. A trait that leaves children of narcissists frustrated. Continue reading
Narcissistic parents don’t value children for the pure joy of having a child. No. They look at children as mirrors to reflect their false image of being exceptional, grandiose, and omniscient.
Children, to the narcissist, are like kegs of narcissistic supply. You tap them when you need to quench your thirst for attention and admiration, stashing them away when you go to drink somewhere else.
Narcissistic fathers only spend time with their children when it will fulfill some narcissistic need. As a kid, you catch on quickly and learn not to say to your dad, “Hey, you want to help me build this model?” He’d just stare as if you asked him to help you rob a bank. With a disgusted shake of his head, he’d go back to watching golf on TV. Continue reading
You don’t expect it to happen. But it does. Your narcissistic parent one day seems old to you. Frailer in body, but not so much in personality.
She may need help getting groceries. Maybe she can’t drive anymore.
Suddenly, no matter what boundaries you’ve erected in the past, you find yourself facing a dilemma. Without you, your mom can’t get groceries, get to the doctor, or pick up her medicine.
When this happens, what are your responsibilities?
The Demands of an Aging Narcissistic Parent
Over the last couple of years I’ve lived this dilemma with my father. He lived alone in a one bedroom apartment. His personality had finally driven everyone away, so he was left with a single friend that sometimes provided rides or picked up a few groceries. Continue reading
You never know what to expect from a narcissist. I thought I had purged my father’s ability to have any control over my feelings and actions from my being. In my last post I related how I came to the realization—tearfully—that my father is never going to love me and be the father I want him to be. I also shared how I came to know that I have been his tool all my life
.My mistake was to assume that I was in control now when I faced my father. Just like the young monk who thinks he has gained enlightenment after a single moment of realization, I got slapped down like the Zen master would strike the monk. And, for a few days, I was more mentally fucked up than I have ever been. Continue reading
There will come a time when your aging narcissistic parent will no longer be able to live on her own. This is a hazardous time for you. She may try to make you feel guilty for not moving her in with you. You have to be firm in setting your boundaries. No matter what, you can expect your parent to ply all her narcissistic devices to avoid placement. This will not be an easy time for you as she infects you with guilt for abandoning her.
But you can use this situation to your benefit if you examine your feelings and reactions to those feelings and trace them to their source. It is a time when you can work on some of your issues. You can work on seeing the narcissistic games.
This is an opportunity to work on your guilt. Your mother or father cannot care for themselves any more. You are ensuring they get the care they need. Why then should you feel any guilt? Continue reading