As children of narcissists, we can tend to be easily triggered to feel and remember the abuse that occurred, or keeps occurring, in our lives. And that’s to be expected. Our lives are filled with stressful and traumatic experiences that can trigger us to keep reliving the trauma.
But there is a specific sort of pain our narcissistic parents left us with. And that’s the pain of every day existence. Continue reading
My wife and I sat on the couch talking. Somehow the topic of my sister came up. She is my mother’s golden child, meaning that she became enmeshed with my narcissistic mother as a child. Today she is both enmeshed and a narcissist.
My wife said to me, “You remember how your sister held up our wedding?”
I shook my head, confusion registering on my face.
My wife was at the back of the church, waiting to walk down the aisle. I was in a room off the main sanctuary and had no idea what we were waiting for. Apparently everything was being held up because my sister had not arrived. Continue reading
As children of narcissistic parents, we tend to see narcissism everywhere. Any display of pride or show of self-love reeks to us of narcissistic personality disorder’s stench.
But there is such a thing as healthy narcissism. Well-adjusted adults have a good supply of healthy narcissism within them. It’s important to know the difference from unhealthy narcissism so that you allow this trait to exist within you. Doing so is part of developing a healthy sense of self.
Why We Lack Healthy Narcissism
Think of your children or other little children you’ve known. Remember how they hungered for your attention and your words of praise? Such wonder is captured in their calls to you of “Look at me!” and “See what I did?” Continue reading
One of the crippling states of having been raised by a narcissistic parent is your belief that your needs don’t matter. Not only do you needs not get met, you don’t even express your needs. In fact many adult children of narcissists don’t acknowledge they have needs. Why?
“Adult children of narcissists are well-practiced in the art of pretending they have no needs, believe that they must present as demand-less in order to gain others’ acceptance, and that if they show their true wants and needs to others, they will be rejected.” Source
By the time you reached adulthood, you became highly skilled at pretending you possessed no wants of needs. That’s because you spent your entire life pretending to not have needs. Since you were a young child, your narcissistic parent raised you to be demand-less. You learned to fear your parent’s rejection should you voice your needs. Continue reading
In my last post I discussed why, as adults, we still fear our narcissistic parents. I wrote about how one way to get through this fear is to get angry at your parent.
But what if you can’t get angry? Or what if the anger doesn’t burn away all your fear?
Then it becomes time to face your fear and work through it. Only by allowing ourselves to confront our fears can we truly be free of them.
Here is how you work through your fear.
Ask, What Am I Afraid Of?
The fear we feel when we’re afraid of something tends to be a generalized fear. For instance we may feel fear when we think of having contact with our narcissistic parent. That fear fills us and our mind stays locked in fear mode. Continue reading
As an adult child of narcissistic parents, it is completely normal for you to live in a constant state of fear. Even though you are free of your narcissistic parent, you may still be afraid of them.
You may feel that if you perform some slight—either real or perceived—that there will be shell to pay and retribution. Maybe you receiving a fear punishment from your parent. This fear can be that she still can punish you as she did when you were a child. Or maybe she has some hold over you, perhaps financial, where she can take something away that you need.
Perhaps you fear she may verbally attack you in some way as she did when you were an adolescent. You may simply still fear his disapproval. She conditioned you to want to please her. And even though you’re an adult, that need to please is still here. So you are afraid you’ll do something that she will disprove of. Continue reading