Narcissistic parents don’t value children for the pure joy of having a child. No. They look at children as mirrors to reflect their false image of being exceptional, grandiose, and omniscient.
Children, to the narcissist, are like kegs of narcissistic supply. You tap them when you need to quench your thirst for attention and admiration, stashing them away when you go to drink somewhere else.
Narcissistic fathers only spend time with their children when it will fulfill some narcissistic need. As a kid, you catch on quickly and learn not to say to your dad, “Hey, you want to help me build this model?” He’d just stare as if you asked him to help you rob a bank. With a disgusted shake of his head, he’d go back to watching golf on TV. Continue reading
Back in sixth grade, my class put on a play. After the play, my girlfriend and I snuck off to an empty classroom.
We were quite excited as we never had the chance to be alone during school. In my excitement I forgot about my narcissistic mother.
But I quickly remembered her when she burst through the class room door. Anger roiled off her like a demon who broke his bonds.
In her anger, she didn’t care about maintaining appearances in front of my girlfriend. She started raging right in front of her. She yelled, “How dare you leave me in the auditorium alone? I was waiting and waiting for your thoughtless ass.” Of course she threw in question of how could I do this after everything she does for me.
She told me she put aside some money to take me out after the play. “There’s no way we’re doing that now,” she said. “I only take out my children that love me. And you’re clearly not one of them.” Continue reading
We all, at any age, like to think that our parents love and treasure us. We also like to think they will be there to support us if we have problems or are in need of assistance.
As much as this might hurt to read, none of the above is true for the adult child of a narcissistic parent.
You already know that your parent is not like other parents. Your parent is self-absorbed, talks about themselves in grandiose terms, and is overly critical. You may have come to accept it.
What you may not have come to accept is your parent’s limitations when it comes to loving others, even you. But coming to accept your parent’s limitations in this area will take your further down the road of healing.
Therefore, it’s vital that we explore this painful topic. Continue reading
Your narcissistic parent doesn’t like it when you have an impressive accomplishment. He feels that you are showing him up.
But he uses your accomplishment for his own glorification. He finds a way to take credit for what you did. Or if he doesn’t take credit directly, he lets your accomplishment shine on him as you are his son or daughter.
When you were a child, if your parent supported you in activities where you could produce accomplishments or victories, it wasn’t because he wanted to support your personal growth.
No. Your parent did it for what he got out of it. He basked in your accomplishment as if he had achieved what you did. Your victory gave him a chance to take credit for the skills you developed, even though they were not his. Continue reading
It’s not uncommon for everyone you know to think your narcissistic parent is the greatest thing since spray cheese. Meanwhile, you’re amazed. Can’t everyone see he’s an ass?
No, they can’t. Remember, a narcissist presents a false image of himself to the world. To everyone outside the family he’s kind, caring, generous, lovable, and he might even be one to lend an ear and listen to another’s problems. He’s not the same angry, miserly, unlovable lout that you know.
The differences between the two sides of your parents makes you think you’re insane. Continue reading